Welcome to my new blog

With my muse Raven

Friends and acquaintances often tell me I'm inspirational. Those fighting chronic disease, whether cancer, lupus, or multiple sclerosis, as in my case, hear these words regularly. They are well-meaning, and I always appreciate the sentiment behind them.

But I don't want to be inspirational anymore. I'm tired of being courageous, brave, uplifting—all words frequently used to describe those struggling with physical challenges. I just want to be able to stand on my own two feet, literally, without falling down.

Welcome to my new blog, Gimp Girl. In this forum, I will share my experiences as a formally able-bodied individual living in a now physically disabled body.

I have several reasons for writing the blog. One, in my small way I would like to raise awareness about the challenges those with disabilities—particularly the physical kind, as that is what I know best—face in an able-bodied person's world.

Further, as a writer I feel a pull to share my experiences with fighting a chronic disease. "Write what you know," writing teachers tell students. So that is what I will do.

And I have lots of time on my hands these days, having just made the decision to leave work as a college English instructor 10 years earlier than anticipated due to increasing physical challenges.

 

Kayaking on Puget Sound near Olympia, WA

So here I sit, trying to reimagine my life without the daily structure from a career that defined me for so many years. Do I still have worth and value as a human being, particularly in our  "success"-obsessed culture, without work? Can I find a new avocation to avoid withering away? Do I even need to?

As I feel my world shrinking further from MS’s incessant toll, and I can longer participate in activities I once loved—cycling, gardening, and hiking, just to name a few—how do I avoid wallowing in self-pity and resentment, thereby pushing friends away? I used to never think about, let alone utter, the words "giving up." Now I shout them out whenever I am fighting to stay vertical.  

I previously wrote a column for my then-local newspaper about living with a disability but felt the need to be careful about how much I revealed. I was still working and did not want to be viewed as compromised and possibly risk my job status. Obviously, I have no such concerns anymore.

I chose my blog's title because it is catchy and edgy. I am well aware the word "gimp" has negative connotations around physical disability and therefore is considered politically incorrect. That is kind of my point because I want to challenge preconceived notions about who the physically disabled are.

 And, ironically (considering the title), I do not want to be defined by my disability. Instead, let me take that word and show you what a gimp looks like, who she is.  If you read future blogs entries, you won't always find me inspirational or uplifting— likely, just the opposite.

But that's true for any of our lives, isn't it? I hope you keep reading anyway.